DIRTY LAUNDRY

I'm an open book. This just makes my life easier... Being forthcoming with my successes and failures makes me feel like I don't have to pretend. I get to just be honest and open and The truth will set you free....right? In my weakness he is strong… so should I post Personal Problems and unwarranted Drama on social media? The thing about airing out your “Dirty Laundry” is that it potentially makes you the offender.   

I myself have seen people put stuff on face book and have thought to myself… “Facebook is not the place for that!” or “why would you tell the whole world your very private business?… I would never….”

We read it and make our own little judgments… we shake our heads, we scroll by and sometimes some individuals even feel compelled to inform the poster that they should delete the Post due to it being “too Personal” and they are perceiving it as “Dirty Laundry”. Sometimes even more insensitive individuals will just post a dismissive comment such as below:

When I see people post their "dirty laundry" on face book these days... I no longer shake my head. I don’t judge them or the situation being posted….I just see it for what it is in most cases... A cry for help. Posting “Drama” in any social media public forum for the most part is never a good idea because it is your online personal voice.  It is your online image and a reflection of the real you.  

If you’re trying to humiliate someone or instigate a fight with a friend, ex friend or family member, leaving distasteful remarks on yours or the wall of others and are clearly being destructive, how do you think others see you? 

It is not rocket science, it is common sense. However I’m not saying that it should never be done. There is a time and place for everything. I believe that sometimes posting certain situations and “Drama” can be done and done in a way that it’s so much more than hurt pride. Look beyond the words and see the actual cry for help. Not validation… but rather a cry for vindication. Next time try and keep in mind that in most cases, The “private situations” most People post about are commonly rooted out of Hurt. So next time rather than judging the individual for posting their drama or telling them they shouldn’t of…just tell them you hear them and that you’re there for them. It doesn’t mean you agree with them. It doesn’t mean you are picking sides… you’re just being kind. You’re being loving. I myself have posted “Dirty Laundry”… I didn’t know it was a cry for help at the time I was posting it… but only later when I received love and encouragement from Strangers and family alike… I realized what I was really needing was Help. For some... IT’S SO HARD TO ASK FOR HELP. So next time your reading some ones dirty laundry… ask yourself, is it hate and anger? Or is it hurt and pain? I’m sure we can all relate - feeling a little more bold, open, or witty when we interact over the internet…this may be the closes thing some people will come to asking for help without actually asking. Next time someone post dirty laundry…. Help them wash it. What if just a few words of encouragement was the very thing they needed?

Critical And Independent Thinking

 

"Critical And independent Thinking is practiced in My Life essentially via intuition gained through wisdom by failure. Critical thinking is a skill that develops over time. Independent thinking does not occur overnight. I am open to having my cherished beliefs challenged, and must learn how to “defend” my views based on evidence or logic, rather than simply “pounding my chest” and merely proclaiming that my views are “valid.” One characteristic of the critical, independent thinker is being able to recognize fantasy versus reality; to recognize the difference between personal beliefs which are nothing more than personal beliefs, versus views that are grounded in evidence, or which have no evidence... and after all that, add Faith."

- Joseph "Jovan" Galvan

HATE N' GRUDGES

Recently I have been witnessing a lot of anger and negativity around me… I think these people that are harnessing these negative feelings and seemingly worthless anger really need to step back and realize that their anger is an emotion that can provide them with a good indicator that they should either change the circumstances that exist within their life… or remove themselves from the situation. Emotions can be “used” and “misused”. The thing is…it seems that the majority of people lack the anger management skills that are necessary to keep them feeling happy in their lives without making them feel like a victim…. Always the victim.

I even recently asked someone I saw doing this “…why are you choosing this negative path?...how is it you can nurse a grudge against someone who gave you a dirty look for years… while at the same time When someone you love screams at you, you forgive them in a few days.” They responded by saying “basically people hold grudges because they believe that by simply removing the offender from their life that it will make their own life better…it feels like winning.”

I fear this only does more harm than help

One reason that holding grudges is a bad idea is that cutting off all communication with an individual causes them to be unable to seek forgiveness from you… There is no chance that the conflict that you are having with the individual will be resolved when you do your best to avoid them. Oftentimes, misunderstandings of a lack of foresight are the reasons that people get into arguments, and by cutting off communication with the other person, you may very well be making the problem worse…Another problem with holding a grudge is that when you hold a grudge against someone, you cast all the blame for your anger on that individual and are often too proud to admit that you may be at fault in one way or another yourself. You won’t be able to grow or correct similar problems in the future if you simply cut yourself off from the person.

 Life is too short to be hung up on hate and grudges, and being unforgiving may make you feel invulnerable, but it will most definitely cost you happiness in the long run.

The Fall of Fickles Lot.

I still get asked to this day “What happened?” or “Are you still friends with any of the guys?” or “is there a chance you guys will get back together?”

So I figured I Could Write this and Provide answers and even closure for some.

First off let me start off by putting my character on trial here.

Why should you take anything I say here as truth, given you may have heard different versions or perspectives? All I can tell you is I have nothing to gain in this following recollection of the events that lead to the Fall of Fickles Lot. In fact by posting this I will actually be putting my faults and failures out there for judgment and ridicule. This doesn’t worry me or play on my insecurities ‘cause I truly believe in wisdom by failure and even more so I believe, in my weaknesses he(God) is Strong.

Fickles Lot had been going Stout for 9 years, climbing the Mountain of success… and we truly did taste success and its sweet embrace. However, three feet from gold… Fickles Lot Dissolved. Fickles Lot was more than just a band. It was a business. We had excellent Management both Professional and personal. We had branded the Name, the image and the sound. We were a common house hold name in the Midwest. We did different tours, long and short. We shared the Stage with Iconic Names and artists. We had a Product and it was in demand.

So what happened…?

A few months before it all fell apart, I entered and won a Singing and Song writing Competition. The 1^st place National Title put me in the Global Competition. I had Geo (guitarist) accompany me in the video. When it won, they flew me and Geo out to Brazil for the LIVE Global competition… while we were there I Met someone that I ended up having a relationship with…. An affair. You see I was married at the time. Not cool, I know… I was definitely more narcissistic and selfish at this time in my life. I wasn’t happy in my marriage and I broke my vows. Yes Geo knew about this Girl given he was there… encouraging it. I don’t say that to incriminate him, but only so things make sense at the end of this. He thought he was being a Good friend… and I thought so too at that time. In the End it was ALWAYS my choice to cross that line and I did. When I Returned Home I told my wife about it. I told her we needed to separate and I left.

As soon as I was done having the devastating heart to heart with my now Ex Wife, I immediately called my “Band Brothers”. I Called Dave First, I told him I was Leaving Courtney (my Ex) that I wasn’t happy. He was shocked, quiet mostly but he remained non Judgmental. He just said we will get through this. We even went on a ride to just talk and be supportive. At this time I didn’t see the “End” coming. Then I called Luke and told him the “News”… he sorta was the same on the phone. Geo already knew given he was with me… and let’s be honest, he was the closest to me… at this time he was more like my best friend. Our Drummer was still pretty new and just wanted to play music… his exact words.

A few days later Dave and Lukes tune changed… like a 180 bat out of hell. I was approached by Luke telling me he could not stand on stage with me and perform because he didn’t agree with my life choices and didn’t want fans thinking he did, I was shocked for multiple reasons…

1.       uber famous Bands and Local bands have played for decades together, not once did I ever wonder if the band members all agreed with each other’s life choices.

2.       Fans are there for the music… not cause they agreed with each and every life choice we made.

3.       How can you just walk out on all the hard work?

4.       How can you turn your back on all the fans like that?

5.       EVERYTHING you’re accusing me of, you’re guilty of!!! Everything.

6.       etc…. cause I assure you I had more questions and concerns about his approach.

Dave soon jumped on Luke’s Bandwagon and so it began. It turned into Luke telling me I had a mental disorder that he googled and stupid, stupid nonsense. I had never heard such self-righteous accusations in my life!! During this, Geo was standing up for the band, and remaining my friend. Dave and Luke tried kicking me out of the Band which was quickly dismissed since they didn’t not have the Legal rights to do so. Luke and Dave ended up Walking away from Fickles Lot after our meeting in a public area. It had to be public because Luke was saying the most ignorant things, trying to degrade me and saying he wouldn’t even call me friend all while standing behind Religion. Not like Gods Love… just good ole fashion suppression / Religion. In the Legal contract… because only Dave, Me and Luke were the original members, when they choose to leave the band it dissolved Fickles Lot and all its assets. I own the Name Fickles Lot, its copyrights in addition to all its Lyrics and could have kept Fickles Lot Going.

Could have maybe… but my life was on a downward spiral… my marriage, my band, friends and family. It was 9 years of work torn apart and I didn’t have the strength to put it all back together while trying to put my own life back together.

Me and Geo Stayed friends for about a year or so after… he eventually went his own way… we stayed in touch here and there, but in the end… from what he has said too me and what I routinely hear back from people he talks to… we are no longer friends. As far as I know my cousin told him a story about me. Geo called, asked me about it and I told him the Actual truth... That my cousin was lying. He didn’t believe me and just started being “unfriendly” since. All this in spite that my cousin later confirmed to him that he was indeed lying to him. I feel like Geo blames me for something…I don’t know yet. But what I do know is that it was always Easier for Geo to hate something then to be loving… at least the Geo I knew. I don’t talk to Dave… I don’t hate him either. I just don’t have anything to say. Just disappointed that he gave up on our Baby cause he got caught up in Luke’s bile. Clearly me and Luke don’t talk anymore… he was the one that tested my ability to forgive. The betrayal I received from him stung the most. I gotta say I was bitter for a Looooooong time. Blamed him the most for being the voice of ruin. I still have the texts he sent me... Shameful.

But that bitterness was poison to me.

Now, I’m not angry… Forgiveness is already happened even without them asking.

However I can’t imagine being friends again with these individuals let alone being in a band again.

The word friend to me has so much more meaning now than it ever did.

Put it this way… I’d rather have 4 quarters then 100 pennies.

I don’t know who they are today, maybe they too have changed… I know I certainly did. I had to hit rock bottom…but it taught me to Look up. (too Christ)

I realize as I write this, this could potentially get back to one of them and even possibly offend one of them. I just don’t care to be honest. I believe I remained tactful and kept them in a much more positive light then possibly deserved. But hey… I feel like I’m doing better than I deserve and that’s 100% true only because of Gods Grace and Mercy.

Since so much time has passed, I’m sure they’ve perfected their stories to keep them looking like the Victim. Or I’m completely wrong and they’ve owned up to it and admit regret and hypocrisy… Who knows?

 I Loved Fickles Lot. Built it from concept till its death. I still enjoy hearing the music and seeing the old photos and music videos. I never turned my back on Fickles Lot. I never turned my back on the fans. Even as I failed my Marriage and God… I never failed Fickles Lot.