I still get asked to this day “What happened?” or “Are you
still friends with any of the guys?” or “is there a chance you guys will get
back together?”
So I figured I Could Write this and Provide answers and even
closure for some.
First off let me start off by putting my character on trial
here.
Why should you take anything I say here as truth, given you
may have heard different versions or perspectives? All I can tell you is I have
nothing to gain in this following recollection of the events that lead to the
Fall of Fickles Lot. In fact by posting this I will actually be putting my
faults and failures out there for judgment and ridicule. This doesn’t worry me
or play on my insecurities ‘cause I truly believe in wisdom by failure and even
more so I believe, in my weaknesses he(God) is Strong.
Fickles Lot had been going Stout for 9 years, climbing the
Mountain of success… and we truly did taste success and its sweet embrace. However,
three feet from gold… Fickles Lot Dissolved. Fickles Lot was more than just a
band. It was a business. We had excellent Management both Professional and
personal. We had branded the Name, the image and the sound. We were a common
house hold name in the Midwest. We did different tours, long and short. We shared
the Stage with Iconic Names and artists. We had a Product and it was in demand.
So what happened…?
A few months before it all fell apart, I entered and won a Singing
and Song writing Competition. The 1st place National Title put me in
the Global Competition. I had Geo (guitarist) accompany me in the video. When it
won, they flew me and Geo out to Brazil for the LIVE Global competition… while
we were there I Met someone that I ended up having a relationship with…. An affair.
You see I was married at the time. Not cool, I know… I was definitely more narcissistic
and selfish at this time in my life. I wasn’t happy in my marriage and I broke
my vows. Yes Geo knew about this Girl given he was there… encouraging it. I don’t
say that to incriminate him, but only so things make sense at the end of this. He
thought he was being a Good friend… and I thought so too at that time. In the
End it was ALWAYS my choice to cross that line and I did. When I Returned Home
I told my wife about it. I told her we needed to separate and I left.
As soon as I was done having the devastating heart to heart
with my now Ex Wife, I immediately called my “Band Brothers”. I Called Dave
First, I told him I was Leaving Courtney (my Ex) that I wasn’t happy. He was
shocked, quiet mostly but he remained non Judgmental. He just said we will get
through this. We even went on a ride to just talk and be supportive. At this
time I didn’t see the “End” coming. Then I called Luke and told him the “News”…
he sorta was the same on the phone. Geo already knew given he was with me… and let’s
be honest, he was the closest to me… at this time he was more like my best
friend. Our Drummer was still pretty new and just wanted to play music… his
exact words.
A few days later Dave and Lukes tune changed… like a 180 bat
out of hell. I was approached by Luke telling me he could not stand on stage
with me and perform because he didn’t agree with my life choices and didn’t want
fans thinking he did, I was shocked for multiple reasons…
1.
uber famous Bands and Local bands have played
for decades together, not once did I ever wonder if the band members all agreed
with each other’s life choices.
2.
Fans are there for the music… not cause they
agreed with each and every life choice we made.
3.
How can you just walk out on all the hard work?
4.
How can you turn your back on all the fans like
that?
5.
EVERYTHING you’re accusing me of, you’re guilty
of!!! Everything.
6.
etc…. cause I assure you I had more questions
and concerns about his approach.
Dave soon jumped on Luke’s Bandwagon and so it began. It turned
into Luke telling me I had a mental disorder that he googled and stupid, stupid
nonsense. I had never heard such self-righteous accusations in my life!! During
this, Geo was standing up for the band, and remaining my friend. Dave and Luke
tried kicking me out of the Band which was quickly dismissed since they didn’t
not have the Legal rights to do so. Luke and Dave ended up Walking away from
Fickles Lot after our meeting in a public area. It had to be public because
Luke was saying the most ignorant things, trying to degrade me and saying he wouldn’t
even call me friend all while standing behind Religion. Not like Gods Love…
just good ole fashion suppression / Religion. In the Legal contract… because
only Dave, Me and Luke were the original members, when they choose to leave the
band it dissolved Fickles Lot and all its assets. I own the Name Fickles Lot,
its copyrights in addition to all its Lyrics and could have kept Fickles Lot
Going.
Could have maybe… but my life was on a downward spiral… my
marriage, my band, friends and family. It was 9 years of work torn apart and I didn’t
have the strength to put it all back together while trying to put my own life
back together.
Me and Geo Stayed friends for about a year or so after… he
eventually went his own way… we stayed in touch here and there, but in the end…
from what he has said too me and what I routinely hear back from people he
talks to… we are no longer friends. As far as I know my cousin told him a story
about me. Geo called, asked me about it and I told him the Actual truth... That my
cousin was lying. He didn’t believe me and just started being “unfriendly”
since. All this in spite that my cousin later confirmed to him that he was
indeed lying to him. I feel like Geo blames me for something…I don’t know yet. But what I
do know is that it was always Easier for Geo to hate something then to be loving… at
least the Geo I knew. I don’t talk to Dave… I don’t hate him either. I just don’t
have anything to say. Just disappointed that he gave up on our Baby cause he
got caught up in Luke’s bile. Clearly me and Luke don’t talk anymore… he was
the one that tested my ability to forgive. The betrayal I received from him
stung the most. I gotta say I was bitter for a Looooooong time. Blamed him the
most for being the voice of ruin. I still have the texts he sent me... Shameful.
But that bitterness was poison to me.
Now, I’m not angry… Forgiveness is already happened even
without them asking.
However I can’t imagine being friends again with these individuals
let alone being in a band again.
The word friend to me has so much more meaning now than it
ever did.
Put it this way… I’d rather have 4 quarters then 100
pennies.
I don’t know who they are today, maybe they too have changed…
I know I certainly did. I had to hit rock bottom…but it taught me to Look up. (too
Christ)
I realize as I write this, this could potentially get back
to one of them and even possibly offend one of them. I just don’t care to be
honest. I believe I remained tactful and kept them in a much more positive light
then possibly deserved. But hey… I feel like I’m doing better than I deserve
and that’s 100% true only because of Gods Grace and Mercy.
Since so much time has passed, I’m sure they’ve perfected
their stories to keep them looking like the Victim. Or I’m completely wrong and
they’ve owned up to it and admit regret and hypocrisy… Who knows?
I Loved Fickles Lot. Built
it from concept till its death. I still enjoy hearing the music and seeing the
old photos and music videos. I never turned my back on Fickles Lot. I never
turned my back on the fans. Even as I failed my Marriage and God… I never
failed Fickles Lot.
